So not only has my partner said that I have a flat ass, one day at work within the past two weeks, a girl coworker comes up to me and says, “Wow, Wes. You really have no ass at all!” Oh, you bitch! That’s all I needed to hear. Not that I am self-conscious or anything, but damn…just shoot a brother down when he already knows the truth. I know I have a case of Noassatall (no-ass-a-tall). Beat the dead horse some more. I am well aware that because of the job I have, I have a flat ass. When you sit on it for eight hours each time you work, then you sit on it again when you get home, then you sit on it when you go to class…it’s bound to not have any shape to it. This may sound all racist, but I do not have the little perky black boy butt that some white guys were blessed with. A close friend of mine has the cutest behind. Every time I see it, I want to hold it in my hands and caress it. And I do…but that’s another story entirely. It’s so cute that it brings up feelings of pure jealousy. I want that ass! LMAO!
Seriously, I am in need of some butt shaping. This cannot be accomplished by some “miracle” briefs that have appeared on the market within the past few years. What would I say, much less how would I feel, if I wore those and some guy thought my ass looked great. Then he grabs it, only to have his had filled with padding. I would find the nearest rock to climb underneath. That is almost as embarrassed as I would be if I were wearing briefs with padding added to the crotch…not that I would ever need to wear that type of underwear. I am happy with what I have. Given the right pair of Levi’s, that is never a problem. But, back on the rear.
I went to the gym on Tuesday for the first time in months. I worked my arms and my chest quite a bit. I am feeling the pain. Trust me! I know what you’re saying. It wasn’t my ass I was working on, but it was a start in the right direction. My arms and my chest have been my strong points since I became interested in getting my body into shape around 2004. While working at a certain hardware chain based in Atlanta, I worked out in the gym located in their corporate offices for the use of employees. I began to feel wonderful about myself as I began to build muscle mass. Before then, I was just skinny from the hell I went through at my previous job. While at the previous job, I went from 180 lbs (81.6 kg) to 129 lbs (58.5 kg) within about 4-6 months. I was at a point where you could see every rib and every bone in my face. I was sort of happy since it was the smallest I had been in many years, but I wasn’t happy with people I love coming up to me and asking me if there was something I needed to tell them. Sometimes it was hard to make them believe I was not infected with anything lethal. I’m still here and they believe me.
I believe my thirties are going to be great years in my life. I don’t believe in the gay death after 30. That’s nonsense. Why would my life have to come to an end because I exited the 20s? Many people have commented to me that they felt their lives enriched when they became 30. Taking that bit of advise, I am renewing my dedication to the gym.
I am promising myself that I will not allow a dead end job to interfere with becoming better fit and more appealing to myself. As I stated in my Coming Out podcast, before you can expect someone else to love you, you have to learn how to love yourself. I do love myself…I just think I could look better than I do. If I don’t do something now to change my appearance, it may get to a point where it is too late.
I would love to look like this picture again. I was so proud of myself. This was the first time I had ever been able to feel my abs. Once I was able to get some of the fat burned off, I realized I had muscles in there. They felt great! They burned from all the exercising I had put them through. My pecs were molded and my arms were thick. OK, to some guys, they weren’t thick. They were thick to me since they had never been so meaty. I loved the attention I received while looking like this. Shortly after was when I lost my job and began working at the place I do now. Once I get home from that job, I don’t want to hear, speak to, or deal with another person for a while.
Today begins my new commitment to myself and my body. I am committing to getting into shape and learning to love myself more and beginning to think I look good. Someone told me I looked great the other day and the only thing I could do was turn to look the other direction. It was sort of embarrassing as well as something my brain didn’t comprehend. That helped me make the decision to get back to work on my body. I’ll let you know how it goes.