Getting off from a pat down. Fantastic!

I would say I have heard it all now.  When do you say that the Federal government has overstepped its judicial and legislative powers?  These pat downs at the airport really don’t bother me personally since I couldn’t really care who touches my junk if it’s necessary.  I mean, if I had to, I would walk through the lines totally naked.  The last time I flew, I wore a pair of very thin athletic shorts and a thin t-shirt.  Everything was hanging loose.  There was no place I could have put anything.  Well, instead of the natural garage that covers my Prince Albert.

In the news today, there is a story of a 47 year old man in San Francisco that ejaculated while being patted down.  Of course, instead of just letting it go on without making a big deal of it, the TSA agent lost his cool and called for back-up.  As we’ve learned, it’s being said that this is considered sexual assault of an agent.

So let’s get this straight…or as straight as possible.  This guy, having multiple piercings on his penis, is a bit sensitive in that area.  When someone is that sensitive, it doesn’t take much to take them over the edge.  And guys, we know what it’s like to reach that point of no return and nothing you do will stop the flowing of fluids.  This is obviously what happened when the TSA agent was a bit too curious.  After probably an overextended stay in that region of the man’s anatomy, the guy ejaculates.  I know, for one, when I ejaculate…and it’s a good one, half the countryside knows what happened.  No one knows how the guy’s body responded.  It could have been trouble breathing, his body bending or slouching from loss of muscle strength, or he could have been more vocal as the sensations ran rampant throughout his nervous system.

Let us see what the definition is of sexual assault:

“A sexual assault has been committed when an individual engages in sexual activity without the explicit consent of the other individual involved.  Sexual activity is any touching of a sexual or other intimate part of a person for the purpose of gratifying sexual desire of either party. This includes coerced touching of the actor by the victim as well as the touching of the victim by the actor, whether directly or through clothing.”

Maybe it’s just me on this thought train, but the TSA agent lingered too long in the guys crotch because he didn’t understand piercings being in one’s penis.  That’s not the ejaculator’s issue.  If you don’t understand penis piercings, ASK!  Look at the person and say, “Do you have metal in your cock?”  That’s all this guy could have done to keep this from happening.  Well that and being somewhat cultural.  Then he wouldn’t have had to ask.  Now, because of this guy’s stupidity and the insane “rules and regulations” of the government and TSA, the multi-pierced, easily stimulated guy is in jail without bond.

How stupid is this?  If anyone should be held responsible for sexual assault, it should be the TSA agent for spending too much time trying to figure out what the deal was with the metal penis.  The guy would have never “got off” if he wasn’t enticed.  I would normally inject some line about never wanting to jizz again for fear of being imprisoned.  I will refrain from saying that (oh well) and just say, “Great going TSA! You spread some joy with at least one person this holiday season.”

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